Copyright © 2012 by "Trinity United Methodist Church"
All Rights reserved
E-Mail: trinityumc@fuse.net
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units
manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a
serious defect in the primary and central component of
the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype
units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the
reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been identified as "Subsequential Internal
Non-morality," more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is
primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include :
1. Loss of direction                            6. Depression or confusion
2. Foul vocal emissions                 7. Fearfulness
3. Amnesia of origin                       8. Idolatry
4. Lack of peace and joy               9. Rebellion
5. Selfish or violent behavior
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable
nor at fault for this defect, is providing
factory-authorized repair and service free
of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician , JESUS, has most
generously offered to bear the entire
burden of the staggering cost of these
repairs. There is no additional fee
required.
The number to call for repair in all areas
is: P-R-A-Y-E-R .
Once connected, please upload your
burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE
procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the
Repair Technician, Jesus , into the heart
component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect
is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love                         6. Goodness
2. Joy                           7. Faithfulness
3. Peace                      8. Gentleness
4. Patience                9. Self control
5. Kindness
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (BEST Instructions Before Leaving
Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids
any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too
numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently
impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus .
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to
be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven
so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall
notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
Because HE Lives!
Working for God on earth doesn't pay much......
But His retirement plan is out of this world !
- TRINITY UNITED METHODIST CHURCH -
"Making Disciples of Jesus Christ for the Transformation of the World"